“I have the conviction that my inadequate attempt to understand is supported by the wisdom of the Holy Spirit dwelling within me, that my acts of worship, petition and thanksgiving are borne along and remodeled by the Spirit’s infinite and eternal acts, in that ineffable union by which all human doing and being has been lifted up and plunged into the river of eternal life and love.” – Hans Urs von Balthasar
There are moments when it feels like nothing we do matters. When, despite our hopes and efforts to contribute to life in the best ways possible, it seems that we are coming up short. This may happen when we make mistakes and question if we are causing more harm than good. It may creep in when what we are doing feels small or at least too small for the apparently big problems happening before and around us. Or perhaps, when things are still and quiet, and we unplug from the frenzy and spectacular turmoil that has become our social consciousness, we appear by comparison, slow, trivial, and inept. However and whenever it happens, know this, your life – and your attempts to love well, serve faithfully, or offer something meaningful to the world – matter.
Part of the scandal and surprise of the Christian hope comes with the reality that God in Christ has given human beings, weak and short-sighted as we are, the Spirit of God. I’ve been following Jesus intentionally for about 25 years, and I still often forget this good news. When God’s spirit dwells within me, God doesn’t possess and replace “me”. Instead, who I truly am, with all my shortcomings and confusion, becomes a partner with God’s presence and power in real time. The Spirit not only works in me but with me and through me, even as I am. The volumes this says about God cannot be overstated. It means that God would rather live and work with me than in spite of me or instead of me.
This doesn’t mean I am unable to cause harm or do wrong. I certainly am able, just as you are, to wreak havoc and cause destruction. But it does mean that as I prayerfully aim to participate with the God revealed in Jesus, and as I discern the best I can and act by faith and in love, the Spirit is there, working with me to bring about something more than I would bring about on my own. In short, God is determined to partner with me even more than I am determined to partner with God. And this brings me hope and confidence, particularly in those moments when it feels like what we are doing isn’t enough.
This hope seems particularly pertinent in a time when God is making things new. When the former things, things that we were familiar with and knew how to manage and control, are passing away. Participating with God’s new thing means we will often feel strange, even as God seems strange to a world grasping at a more comfortable past. It means we do not have scripts and handbooks that reassure us that we’re doing is right. And so we cling to the confidence that prayer, love, humility, and courage are enough. That walking with the Spirit not only matters, but will lead us toward wholeness.
So take heart. If you’re laboring with doubt or working in the dark. Look for the secret and hidden treasures that remind you that God is working through you. Celebrate the baby steps that mark a bright future. Experiment with curiosity and the promise of discovery. Point out the victories, both yours and other’s, that witness to love, community, belonging, and joy. And rest. Rest in the knowledge that you are enough because God is with us, baptizing our lives in a river of grace.